i have a friend (it's really not me!) who is going thru a situation similar to what i went through a year and a half ago. her husband wants a divorce. i belive he is having an affair, although he hasn't admitted it, and she says it doesn't matter either way, he wants out, and she's letting him out.
i just do not understand why anyone would cheat on their spouse. everyone hurts. the wayward spouse, the betrayed spouse, the children (there aren't any in this case), and the parents and siblings of the spouses. i would imagine that the other woman hurts too, although i find it tough to feel sorry for someone who goes into a relationship with someone who they know is married. i also don't feel too sorry for anyone who is married who starts a relationship outside of their marriage.
i only wish that there was something i could do to prevent anyone from having to suffer the pain that i, and so many others, have suffered. i do everything i can to ensure that my current marriage stays on track. whenever a friend discusses their marital issues with me i offer any advice that seems relavant.
the most important issue (in my opinion) is what God says about marriage and adultery. and the only place to find that is in His Word, the Bible. i will try to come back with scripture references at some point - but - i think we all know that "thou shalt not commit adultery" is one of the 10 commandments. but that's old testament law, which we (members of Christ's church) are not bound to. however, the new testament reaffirms this as a truth. adultery is a sin.
but what is the punishment for adultery? i used to think (and a lot of people probably agree) that adultery is a sin, it's bad, but God will forgive those who commit it, if they ask for forgiveness. this is true, but there is a catch.
somewhere in the new testament (i will find this scripture) it is said (i think by Jesus) that God hates divorce, but will allow it. If you choose to divorce your spouse, and then later remarry you are committing adultery. UNLESS, you are the innocent party, betrayed by a spouse who commits sexual immorality. the betrayed spouse is released from the marriage contract and free to remarry.
moral to the blog: DONT CHEAT!!! REMEMBER YOUR VOWS!!! communicate with your spouse, work thru problems before you feel that you marriage is so far gone that you are tempted to cheat -
anyway, this is, was and always will be a painful topic for me. so i write what i think about.
read at your own risk ;-)
Thursday, July 17, 2008
i hurt for them
Posted by ashley at 4:30 PM
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5 comments:
Permission to say a few things??? Certainly, you are very entitled to your thoughts on this topic, having been through it. My thoughts are more limited, being married to a man who has been through it (and let me clarify that he DID NOT cheat!!!). Luke 16:18 "EVERYONE who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery and he who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery." Jesus didn't specify all the ins and outs of who cheated and didn't cheat, but said that whoever marries a divorced person and whoever gets divorced and remarries commits adultery. I don't think this is supposed to scare us but more to show us that God recognizes marriage as the joining of two souls and that those souls will always be affected by the marriage that they had, even if on paper they are divorced. Also, Matthew 5:32 "But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery. And whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery." Again, the words of Jesus -- also, Matthew 19:9 "And I say to you: Whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery." This indicates that the "irreconcilible differences" divorce isn't good enough -- that the only Biblical reason for divorce is adultery. But God still holds both parties accountable. There are also some really good scriptures on divorce in 1 Corinthians 7, but they deal more with the unsaved/saved marriage and staying together. I wanted to put these scriptures out there because I agree that God hates divorce. I also agree that it is completely unacceptable for anyone to have a relationship with someone who is married. It's why I don't have close male friends -- better to just keep men that are not my husband at arms length or preferrably, even more! Our pastor preached on divorce not too long ago. It was a really hard sermon, because I am a second wife, and because Daniel went through a painful divorce. But what he said was so interesting -- that once you are divorced and remarried, and you realize that God desires reconciliation, what do you do? You can't leave your family behind and go back to your first spouse, and most people wouldn't want to. His solution was so incredibly simple. If possible, you reconcile it the way you would reconcile any torn relationship according to the scriptures -- you go to the person and ask forgiveness for your wrongs. You tell them you see where you erred and that you are asking for their forgiveness. Then, it's up to them what they're going to do. God can and does forgive any sin. If Jesus could hang on the cross and forgive the two murderers hanging on either side of Him, than His grace is also sufficient for the adulterer and the divorcee. But the grace only applies when the sinner has a truly repentant heart, and there are many people in those shoes who have not repented. That is between them and God. All we can do is what Romans 12:18 says, "If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peacably with all." If you want to listen to the sermon my pastor preached, you can go to http://www.trinitychurchpca.com/sermons_matthew.htm and it's the one titled "When God's Marriages go Bad" on 5-18-2008. He basically covers most or all of the scriptures concerning divorce. He also gives some very interesting statistics on men who leave their wives and how more often than not, they leave for far less attractive women -- it's the temptation, and not the woman that drives them.
So, ok. Sorry for my miniblog here. But I know I'm one of the few who will comment and I wanted to share because Daniel and I have had some very deep discussions and prayers on this topic. It's hard to forgive and hard to move on. So hard. I hope God sees your friend through this time in her life and brings her to a place where she is better in Him for it and where she can love again...
OH! And one more thing. I think OT law does apply to us -- but in a different way. If we are truly in Christ and He is in us, then we should desire to do the right things. The law is there as a whole thing -- to remind us that no one can possibly keep the whole thing. James 2:11-12 "For he who said, 'Do not commit adultery,' also said, 'Do not murder.' If you do not commit adultery but do murder, you have become a transgressor of the law. So speak and so act as those who are to be judged under the law of liberty." And since if one part of the law is broken (i.e. we break it by lying or coveting as much as by committing adultery), we deeply and desperately need Christ... Does that make any sense at all???
thanks for all of the scripture references skates. and feel free to "mini-blog" my blog anytime!
you are clearly more knowledgeable in scripture than i am. and yes, everything you said makes sense...
when i have more time, i will respond more fully.
but for the OT thing, bo recently led a Wed night Bible study on that very topic (for my benefit, being a new member of the church). it was a study of Hebrews and basically Paul was telling some people (see, i am SO not a Bible scholar) that they should not go back to the old ways (OT law) b/c the new way is perfect and the old law was tossed aside -
which is why we (church of Christ members) don't tithe (we give) and don't recognize the sabbath and many other things that are different from denominational churches.
as I said, this is very new to me and I don't know everything, but i am learning.
we also don't celebrate Christmas as Christ's birthday, b/c nowhere in the new testament does Jesus instruct us to do so. we do santa clause and all, but that's it. we do celebrate and remember his death and resurrection every sunday with the Lord's supper - b/c He said "this do in remembrance of Me"
anyway, i know that none of my friends (or family for that matter - except bo's family) share specifically in my religious beliefs, and i do try to respect others beliefs as much as possible. i'm not trying to convert anyone, but i would welcome any questions on what i believe, as i'm sure most Christians would!
all for now - the bank needs me!!!
Girl, I totally understand theological differences. It was overwhelming when I went from a background of being raised Southern Baptist and then full-out Charismatic! I had so much to learn. And here's what I think: As long as we recognize Christ as the Son of God, believe in His death and resurrection, that it is the ultimate sacrifice for our sins, and that He is the way to salvation, then in my opinion, we're on the same page. The rituals, the specifics, can be done differently, as far as I'm concerned. I think we each have the Holy Spirit to guide us and lead us to where we feel like we are doing things as scripturally as possible, but there's probably room for improvement in all churches because none of us was actually there in the day of Christ and because of human imperfection, we're bound to get some things wrong. Believe me -- there's no arrogance in what I have to say. I'm just sharing with you what I've learned from the scriptures. I know what you're saying about Hebrews. I haven't studied that book in a while but basically, any study I take part in at church, I go behind and kind of do my own study to make sure it all lines up with the scriptures and isn't just "church doctrine". Paul was right -- but even Christianity today is differen. Back then, followers of Christ didn't call themselves Christians, but most of them were Jewish and still practiced Jewish festivals. So I try not to get all wrapped up in "the letter of the law", if you see what I'm saying -- otherwise, we should all be celebrating the many Jewish festivals every year. You're correct, too, in Christmas not being a part of Christian celebration. Christmas is basically a pagan holiday that was seized by the church (Google it -- you'll be amazed). We don't necessarily "celebrate" Jesus' birthday with it, so much as we use it as a time to remember the sacrifices Christ made, beginning with His earthly birth. It's a good opportunity, and I love the holiday, but I can definitely see where the controversy comes from. I'm fine with your beliefs and same as you am not trying to drag people over to "my side". Just wanted to offer my two cents on the divorce issue. And as I said before, you are more than welcome to your thoughts on it -- you are more accutely aware of the pain caused by such a situation than I am and I wasn't trying to pick apart what you said, but add to it...
meant to say "when I went from a background of being raised Southern Baptist and then full out charismatic to now being Presbyterian"... these days, it's hard to have complete thoughts. :)
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